Prana Danam part 2

As we progress through the program, we get assigned to small teams dedicated to specific tasks. As such, I get to know some of my akkas and my annas well. Amongst the lot, a few really stand out.

Guillaume - kind, smart, humble. Of course I never call by his name, to me he's Anna and to him I'm Akka.

Anna quickly became my work partner during sink duty - where by, at the end of every meal during wind down, we paired up to scrub the sinks, taps and shelves with heavily watered down bio-detergent. During these shifts we talked a lot - one of the perks of having far too many people assigned to each task is that you are never alone. I told him a PG rated version of my life - I left my job and the UK to go traveling, and came to Isha. He told me his - he is married, majored in Physics, and worked in all sorts of fields up to joining Sadhanapada.

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Sadhanapada - a 7months residential program "preparing you for life like nothing else, your best lifelong insurance", as it is sold by Isha.

Aimed at young-ish professionals of all backgrounds and nationalities, it offers an intensive daily regimen of sadhana, hard work and little sleep, at no financial cost. But it also promises to break you, to test your limits, to exploit you, to work you to exhaustion every single day with no rest day. The sort of craziness lost souls turn to in the hope of getting their lives back on track. All this lovingly paired with the guarantee of zero privacy, at any point of time, ever, with accommodation in large shared dorms and communal shower units.

For sadhanapada, Guillaume made huge sacrifices. Is it that immense, that important? I wouldn't know. But to Anna, it was. He missed the birth of his 1st child, in order to be here – and as I write this, he still hadn’t met her.

- "I do this so that I can be the best father I can be, to prepare myself for that life Akka", he explains, as we talk about the decisions that brought him here. His wife had also got into the program but then became pregnant, so had to drop out. She told him to still go anyways, claims Anna.

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- "Akka, you are not married, you broke up with your partner recently? You should find a husband Akka, you will find someone soon" he proclaimed several times.

As with many Indian people, the thought of a mid-30s single woman , who's been through so many cycles of hook-ups and break-ups, is very odd. At worst, it invites prejudice and disdain. In good people, it usually evokes worry and compassion. But as I soon found out, for many - particularly women involved in arranged marriages - it evoked envy, jealousy even. "Free bird" is now my new label.

- "Yes Anna, but it's better that way than with the wrong person. It's better to be alone than poorly paired up" I reply - the same explanation I give to everyone who ever touches on the subject. Inevitably, divorce comes up in our conversations. A controversial topic in a society that is just waking up to the possibility that people don't have to stay together forever at all cost, where a small but growing minority of adults take the leap of faith out of failed marriages.

- “Akka I believe there can only be one person for you for life, that’s what I aspire to be to my wife” - the college girlfriend he was finally allowed to marry after much resistance from his parents. In the same breath, he also confesses to me that his dad had been cheating on his mum, for an extended time and to the knowledge of all. “The damage it has done to our family, the way it hurt my mom and made her cry, how I had to console her – I can never forget Akka. Never will I ever make my wife go through this”.

By that point, me and my Anna had gotten used to sharing trauma stories – the ultimate currency for building frienships, it seems, in every culture around the world.

- “Anna, don’t you think your mum should leave? Why endure something like this, and all the damage it’s causing?” I ask, gingerly.

- “No Akka, never. My parents are traditional, they are from a generation and culture where divorce is completely out of the question – especially for my mum, as a wife. As far as their marriage is concerned, it’s ride or die.”

Later on, after Prana danam ended, I found out from others that Guillaume was crushing on me – that our closeness, his sustained attention and niceness was not in fact just friendship. I was surprised – apparently it was obvious to all but not to me – stupid candour of mine.